When I woke up today, I was greeted by tight knees, aching thumbs, and a neck that felt welded in place. I also had strange craving for stewed prunes and strong black coffee. What the hell is going on? Oh yeah, I just turned 50. It’s been a minute since I’ve written anything and thought it … More 50-Year Maintenance Required
As the year winds down, it’s time to start thinking of the road ahead. What do I want to do differently to make 2020 the best year yet? What resolutions will I make Jan 1st and then abandon before the new wall calendar flips to February? (Only 25% stick more than 30 days) It got … More What do You Want to Leave in 2019?
If there’s one thing most Game of Thrones fans can agree on, it’s that the final season was, well, DIFFERENT than we’d expected. Some hated the way things turned out. Others lived with it. I don’t know any who were exactly thrilled how that final curtain closed. We can unleash the hate on HBO, wail … More Game of Thrones: Reboot, Haynestown-Style
Maybe you’re one of the lucky ones. We see your pups on social media hugging other dogs, giving piggyback rides to squirrels, or helping your kids with math homework.We watch in amazement…the videos where your nine dogs sit patiently and only come forward when you whisper their names like Bob Ross painting some happy trees. … More Man’s Best Friend or Four-legged Jackasses?
Donnie, Donnie, Donnie. You have one job. Navigate this bus of about 300 million people safely for about 4-8 years. No need to drive it like you stole it. Just set the bitch on cruise control, avoid big bumps, and quietly get off when it’s your stop. So far, it’s felt more like a teenager … More Since You Asked: My Advice for the Donald
While I haven’t tried them all, I’ve tasted enough to know social media comes in lots of flavors. There’s Facebook, which, when not spying on you, is good at making you feel special. After all, you have 1,879 friends who like your kid pics and your food pics and would probably duck behind a Target … More It’s Not Me. It’s You, Twitter.
History is about to be made with the first meeting of the dictator of North Korea and the President of the United States in 65 years. Some high hopes are pinned on this. Not long ago they were beating their chests and trading insults. Dotard. Rocket Boy. But their attraction could not be denied any … More Donnie and Kim: A Forbidden Love Story
It can be used as almost every part of speech. There are shelves of medicines to help us with it. Crowds will stand closer to a bonfire than to people actually doing it. Think you know what I’m driving at? It’s a four-letter all star! But here’s one more clue to see if you’re right: … More Is This the True Gold Medalist of Four-Letter Words?
It could be a game show there are so many now. I can practically hear the studio announcer “Come on down! You can ruin other people’s lives and your career as the next contestant on Harass That Ass! If this doesn’t make any sense, you haven’t been paying attention to the news lately. See, there’s … More Who’ll Be Our Next Contestant?
With a few changes, the Internet can be your happy place again! … More Are You Part of the Cancer or Part of the Cure?