Is This the True Gold Medalist of Four-Letter Words?

It can be used as almost every part of speech.

There are shelves of medicines to help us with it.

Crowds will stand closer to a bonfire than to people actually doing it.

Think you know what I’m driving at? It’s a four-letter all star! But here’s one more clue to see if you’re right:

It’s magnetically attracted to the tread of new shoes.

Yep. I’m talking about shit.

I curse a lot. More than I should, to be honest. So I consider myself an expert on this secret language we all speak in our heads sometimes. Yes, you do too.

Let me put it this way: While Americans love Tom Hanks, if The Da Vinci Code needed someone to solve riddles based solely on words you can’t say in church, I’m the sum’bitch who would’ve gotten the call.

It got me thinking. The F-Bomb is certainly one of the least socially acceptable swear words to say. In the wrong setting, it’ll get an email sent to HR department quicker than a Harvey Weinstein casting call.

But does that really make it the biggest and baddest? Is it truly the Queen Mother of dirty words?

If f*** is the Queen, I submit to you that Shit is the KING!!!

We deal with it all our lives, and depending on age or audience, probably call it different things. A 5-year old confessing, “Mommy, I gotta’ go poop” might get some chuckles in a crowded elevator. Yet, “Mommy, I need a bathroom ’cause my butt’s brewing up a mean shit,” would draw gasps, judgements, and parenting advice.

You can call it whatever you want. There are plenty of synonyms lying around, but none have the versatility or convey emotion quite the same way. For example:

BM

Caca

Crap

Deuce

Doo doo

Doodie

Dookie

Dung

Excrement

Feces

Manure

Mud

Number two

Poo poo

Poop

Poopie

Scat

Stool

Smelly

Turd(s)

The big’un

You might not have heard of “the big’un.” Most haven’t, but thanks to my parents, it’s what I thought it was called until I was about five years old! Thanks Mom! 🙄

Whatever you call it, the substitutes just don’t cut the mustard. Can you imagine if in Lethal Weapon, Murtaugh (Danny Glover) said “I’m too old for this poopie.” Same mental image, less attitude.

Let’s take a look at some of the many ways it’s used in every day language.

Shithead (someone acting badly)

Shitfaced (drunk)

Shit (I forgot something, I’m annoyed, I hurt myself)

Shiiiiiiit (no big deal, not worried about)

Shit! Shit! Shit! (Something bad is about to happen or just happened)

All kinds of shit (stuff, things)

Shitful behavior (shameful)

Stupid as shit (VERY stupid)

Give or don’t give a shit (care/don’t care)

Up shit creek (in big trouble)

On the shit list (also in trouble)

__________ and shit (Whatever goes in the blank, plus other random things not worth mentioning by name)

Furthermore, when linked to animals, it can mean all kinds of different things:

Bat 💩 crazy

Slicker than owl 💩

Treated like dog 💩

Happier than a pig in 💩

Fed a line of bull 💩

Complete horse 💩

Chicken 💩 coward

Well, I’ve probably said all I can say about it. Agree or disagree if it should sweep the swear word Olympics? Chime in!

I’d love to hear your comments and shit.


6 thoughts on “Is This the True Gold Medalist of Four-Letter Words?

  1. LMAO–which is better than shitting my ass off! Two things–the fact you alphabetized the list of synonyms for shit made me laugh as much as the words you chose. It speaks to my anal retentive nature, I guess. Also, I’ve got another one for your list:

    I met my BFF in 8th grade during the Nixon Administration. She had just moved to the community from the city and, after she let the word “nifty” slip out during one of our initial conversations, I gave her shit about it. “Nifty” was so two decades earlier. So, in response, I guess she was trying to impress me with her worldliness when she let a new curse word fly (right there in Mr. Pancake’s science class.) She said, “Shitness!” She has never lived it down. And I have never stopped using it either.

    “You can’t turn shit into a proper noun,” I told her.
    “I just did,” she said.

    Ha!

    Anyway, I do love the word SHIT. Agree it beats FUCK because it is more socially acceptable. But sometimes, FUCK is just so much more satisfying–all because of the hard consonant sounds of “F” and “K” as they form on one’s lips. Still, for my money, SHIT is the gold medalist of curse words. Brilliant, Haynestown! Love this shit! Fucking aye!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “Shitness” is hilarious. It reminds me of a friend in elementary school who, early in his cursing career, called someone and assbitch.

      You wouldn’t believe how many conversations I’ve had outside of the blog about this post. I essentially agree the F word is the sledgehammer. If a kid says that at the dinner table, you can bet he’s getting his face slapped. My point was there’s more to a word’s “power” than shock value. Versatility has to count for something.

      Like

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