haynestown

How is your Monday so far? Don’t answer yet. We’ll put a pin in that.

When my kids get ready for school, I’m amazed how they move. If I could measure it, I’d bet glaciers move faster.  And if I’m not standing over them reciting (shouting) the steps that each of them need to be doing at a given moment, they sag into motionless piles of DNA.

That said, I’m currently beta-testing a low-power device that works much like a cattle prod, but for children. I’m thinking the KiddleProd will be the highest grossing item in the history of Home Shopping Network, QVC, and SharkTank combined.

It’s not that I don’t understand what’s going on. They don’t want to go to school. But what drives me bat shit is they can’t seem to remember the steps. Pee. Wash hands. Brush teeth. Evidently I’m speaking Chinese each morning because they can never comprehend or remember any of the routine.

Yet, amidst all this underachievement and risk for natural selection, how can my little shits buy a $70 video game on Friday and beat/overcome every challenge by Sunday morning? Three words: At-ti-tude. When they’re engaged and interested, their little brains are solving problems faster than Good Will Hunting. I won’t go so far to say school isn’t fun because of bad attitudes, but I can promise that having shitty ones only compounds the problem.

It got me thinking. This behavior follows most of us into adulthood, but somehow all the angst and loathing has gotten redirected. Partially it’s aimed at work, but who really gets the brunt of the hate?

Poor little Monday, that’s who.

Where’s all the animosity coming from? Where’s the love y’all? What does history (the internet) have to teach us?

Well back in the day, people worked all the time. The first mention of the workweek/off-day was in nineteenth-century Britain, where it was common for laborers to get Sunday off for rest, worship, etc. The problem was, many of them spent the day partying like rock stars, felt like shit on Monday, and didn’t show up for work. Sound familiar?

In an effort to correct this, employers gave them Saturday night off as well, so they could raise hell then instead. This later got clipped again to include all of Saturday, creating the five-day work week. And contrary to the popular meme, Henry Ford didn’t invent the 40 hr week. Neither did labor unions. While they both had parts in the play, they didn’t exactly write it.

So that’s how it started…Monday signified the end of Sunday fun-day and back to workin’ for the man. And the people who dread it the most love to spread that shit like Ebola. Social media as a whole is almost unbearable because of #Mondays #MondaySucks #IHateMondays and whole army of memes. I might even be guilty of making a few.

The problem with the saying ‘misery loves company” is that sharing it doesn’t lessen the burden. For example, if I was holding two watermelons and you offered to carry one, it’s easier. With bad attitudes, it’s like I still have two melons and now you have a pair as well.

But do we have to keep feeding the beast on this? For those who work the typical 5-day stretch, does Monday somehow sneak up and sucker punch you each week? If so, maybe you’re not mad at the day so much as you’re mad that you can’t remember it.

What would happen if we gave Monday a day off? A Labor Day for the most hated of laboring days.

Don’t get me wrong…I’m not suggesting you go skipping around the office tossing rose petals. That’ll probably get ya’ throat punched.

Look, I can’t tell you what to do. If you choose to go around all day acting like you slept in an old douche bag the night before, go ahead. But why not try accepting Monday for what it is… 1 day, 24 hours, 1440 minutes, etc. Make it your new restaurant day. Sign up to try/learn something you’re interested in. New movie day…Whatever. Just do something positive so you’ll stop waiting for tomorrow.

We only get so many sunrises, and we don’t know what the exact number is. I would bet that everyone who’s already exited this life would gladly accept a year of only Mondays to see family and friends again. So if you want to spend Sundays dreading and Mondays bitching and Tues-Wed-Thurs pining away for Friday and Saturday, go ahead. You just wished away over 70% of your life.

I may not be able to change the world alone, but I don’t need the world’s help to change me. I’m making the conscious choice to be thankful for every day…At least until next Monday.