haynestown

Cry rooms.

Coloring time-outs.

Play-Doh and therapy animals for stress relief.

In college. COLLEGE! And it’s happening at universities all across the country.

Right now it’s about Election 2016. Who knows what it will be about next time? But regardless of which side of the political aisle someone’s on, how can anybody think this is a good idea?

College is about finding out who we are and making new, sometimes lifelong connections. And, hopefully, it’s where we learn skills that transition us into productive careers. College is a lot of things. But I challenge you to find a single university charter that states:

“We feel our most critical role is to serve as a time machine (an expensive one) designed to warp students back to suckle at Mommy’s teat whenever unpleasant things happen.”

I wasn’t the most mature student at UAB and I acted like a wiseass most of the time (unbelievable, I know). I skipped some classes. I made bad decisions. The videos are available for $4.99 a minute if you want the links.

Now, 25 years later, I’m in a management role and can probably speak for every other manager on Earth: We promise, if you’re looking for a job and you list “Coloring, creative play, and hugs” as strengths, it’s going to be a very short interview (unless we’re looking for a pre-school nanny).

About the only positive thing about all this pony petting, is that it’s not destructive, at least until it gets dark and someone breaks out a six pack.  Then it turns into an episode of “Protest Gone Wild” with physical assaults, fires, and millions of dollars of property damage.

Sadly, if people don’t learn a few coping skills soon, the future will repeat these two extremes. But are these the only options? Burning shit up or breaking out coloring books?

It got me thinking. Could I, with my advanced age and white whiskers of wisdom (beard), suggest a few stress relievers to help the little college whippersnappers?

Move your ass: Nothing helps lower stress like a good workout. Run. Walk. Kung fu. Whatever. It won’t fix what you’re crying about, but it may give you the clarity to see an alternate path.

Go help someone: Nothing irritates me more than a thousand people milling around, lamenting about other people needing help. How about you toss your protest banner in the trash and go find someone who could use a hand? I’d bet you wouldn’t have to go very far. Acts of Random Kindness..Try them. One person usually can’t change the world, but you can always make one person’s world better.

Have yourself a big bucket of sex: Many people yelling on TV just seem so high strung. I get it, these are serious times that require serious solutions. But who said you have to be such an ass about it? Go grab your partner, a friend with benefits, or your happy drawer in the nightstand, and have hot cup of of release. Here, our couple is trying out the new for 2016 Biden Position:

It won’t change the election results, but if you do it right, you may not give a f…